He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
