so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
