I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
