And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
