Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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