i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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