last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
