Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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