my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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