guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
