she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
