Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
