oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
