I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
