Christians are straight up FREAKS
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
