so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize