and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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