she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
