if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
