Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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