6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
