You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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