This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
