just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
