My friends, they love my intelligence
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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