Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
