Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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