So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
