Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
