It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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