The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This baby is an asshole
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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