You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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