I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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