That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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