Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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