I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
