I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
