Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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