Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
