i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
