I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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