he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
