When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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