i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
