my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
