So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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