Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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