He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
