I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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