i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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