I haven't been this sober since birth.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
