he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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