direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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