I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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