she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
