No stitches, just platelets and will power
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
