Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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