Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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