Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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