he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
