We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
