remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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