I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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