is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
