just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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