Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
