I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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