I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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