i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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