wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
